★阁阁BLUE ★^_^★

I could still recall one classic sentence from a movie "which one is more horrible? Drug or Loneliness"
Root, is this word the real word everyone tries to obtain? Or, it's just a fantasy, only lives in dreams.
Speaking of dreams, I remember a terrible dream I had weeks ago."a green skinny snake tries to get into my mouth. I strive to death not let it in" Then I woke up and checked the time. I was 4am, totally dark outside.
I'm not a psychologist. I know nothing about dreams. But I don't think it's a good sign. Or maybe signs are just a saying. Believe them, they exist; not believe them, they disappear. Same with love, if you keep telling yourself you love someone, for your whole life time, then you will believe you really love that one...But the truth is, one day, just that one day, you realize the whole love stuff, is just a fucking fake...What are you gonna to do? Just admit it, and continue to play with the fake..Am I too pathetic?

Couldn't live without coffee now. At least two cups of coffee could make me awake and happy. And I need to be awake, all the time, to read, to absorb. I like the way I'm more humble, not proud, since when I realize I have nothing to be proud of. There are always people who are much more capable than me in any way, knowledge, ability, smartness, beauty and personal affinity. I am not shameful I don't notice those discrepancies until recently. I am grateful I do get it, at least much better than someone who live at that proud status all the way along.

Staying alone at library at late night makes me gratified. I could enjoy the date with myself. Or more specifically, with those sparking ideas and wonderful knowledge sea from books. My mom is so curious about the nature of genetics, for she couldn't understand why I'm so thirst for learning, based on her own idle life style. Maybe I get that only virtue part from my dad. Wait a minute, does it account for a virtue? Or, actually, a devil, from my mom's point of view.

When looking for the conclusion, evidence, assumption, or topic, scope and point of view becomes a rooted habit, I feel I'm more close to rationality, rather than sensitivity. Good for me, I could still distill some sensitive ideas from seemingly rock articles. For example, the empathy for African Americans, the curiosity of politics and the admiration of arts. Haha, guess what, more waiting for me to dig into.

Went to the cinema yesterday to watch the new teenager fad movie "New Moon". Got a little bored initially, but sensed something later. The pity is, it only reminds me of some pure drama love, which is too beautiful for me. Or, I am too old for that kind of love story. Besides, I like the wolf guy Jack better. I would choose him if I were Bella. Edward is too pale and really not that handsome. Like If I were Carie, I would choose Aden other than Big. Am I too traditional to convention: safety rather than risk?

Too random, no logic. That should be what I need. Use some emotional random ideas to balance all those logic things:-D

其实，就是那么一刹那。从绝望到希望。
其实，就是那么一瞬间。从黑暗到光明。
如果没有胖宇的陪伴，如果没有Larry哥的臭骂，如果没有Josie的鼓励，如果没有大叔的关心。也许，就从绝望边缘那么滑下去了。
还记得当时坐在胖宇车里，满面红叶和轻轻秋风，却哭得稀里哗啦，不能自己。最记得胖宇那句话“我们这些朋友都会挺着你的，看着你的”
我没有那么坚强，却需要内心的更强大。
像彦说的，她一直相信我们成功的那天。
像洋说的，不要太执着的逼迫自己，我会做到的。
但，其实不够，极限，是可以无限接近的。
拼命的，疯狂的，这样，才是我。

你知道我的梦你知道我的痛
你知道我们感受都相同
就算有再大的风也挡不住勇敢的冲动

努力的往前飞再累也无所谓
黑夜过后的光芒有多美
分享你我的力量就能把对方的路照亮

你懂，就好，
我们都一样。

Feel awful of myself.Aimless,spiritless.I never use those words to describe myself.
But I have to,now.
Tell me what's the goal I should pursue?
Sometimes, I know it's there. Most of the time, I get totally lost....
What's the point of life? What's the point of happiness? What's the thing I should do whenever I get up?
Maybe I'm too crazy, maybe I have some Psycho problem, maybe I'm not far away from stress out..
I need help. Who can help me? Sunshine? Someone? Or nobody?
Wish I could just sleep forever...No responsibility, no thinking, no wonder, no pain....

终于熬过了9月26，当自己再次从3个月前同样的地方出来时，不再是低迷困惑，多了许多期待和按耐不住的开心。
虽然那天，天有点阴，还小着小雨，我却发现，安娜堡的秋天居然是如此美丽，如此迷人，如此令人舒心。
时常情由景生，当情完全主宰时，任何景色看着都有它别样的魅力之处。

最近喜事连连，让我的小小心脏一时接受的，快膨胀到爆炸了。
表姐的小girlBB于2009年9月22日上午9点32分正式成为小地球一份子，我也正式当姨了，小家伙胖乎着，有6斤9两。虽然达不上我8斤半的英勇，但是也是个胖丫头了。嘻嘻。等着老妈发照片过来。这个辣妈，比我咋乎，当她的姨奶奶当得不知有多兴奋激动。

Larry哥的葫芦娃也紧接着高兴的蹦了出来。 Alan was born on Thursday September 24, 2009, at the St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan. He was 6 pounds and 7 ounces and 19.8 inches (51 cm) at birth. He is a healthy and happy baby.
昨天和政宇专门冒着大风大雨去看小葫芦娃，当他躺在我怀里熟睡时，我觉得心都要跳出来了，那么初生的美丽，跟天使一样，安静的在我怀里，我觉得自己就像拥有了所有。特别是小家伙后来哭着皱着眉头的镜头，和LARRY哥一模一样。看来，小葫芦娃长大肯定不得了：）

还有就是舒姐姐9月26号的婚礼，要不是那天的考试不凑巧，我肯定会是整场的第一小捣蛋分子。不过，一考完就立马冲去了，虽然ceremony没赶 上，reception的饭局错过，但是最美丽的时刻都被我记在心里。当最后，两人伴着恩雅的音乐，起舞于临时搭建的“舞池”时，我似乎看到了生命中最真 实最美丽的浪漫。七年的走过，需要经历一些怎样的，欢喜，悲伤，快乐，争分，才能执子之手，与子偕老啊~提前就跟舒姐姐吵着要新娘捧花，当拿到时，静静的 插在屋里的透明花瓶中，婚礼离我，会有这束捧花预言的那么近么？

以为9月26过后，我的生活终于可以歇歇了，却发现我越来越停不下来了。就像个火车一样，一旦启动，除非到站，无法刹车。而且我还是个不知足的快速列车，就算到了下一站，还会不满足的继续驶向下下站。
但是，我很快乐的享受着超前走的所有过程，和一直陪着我身边，支持我鼓励我超前走的所有
朋友。
总是能感受到身边朋友最贴心最亲近的关系和帮助。
真的，真的，真的，很感激，很感激，很感激。。。。

王菲的“执迷不悔”，适合我现在的心境。。
“就算痛苦，就算是泪，也是属于我的伤悲
就算疲倦，就算是累，只能执迷~而不悔”


 

陈昇，张宇，黄品源的新组合，康熙上看看，还真逗。“三个好男人”。发现自己对老男人的情愫有愈增趋势。
看到陈昇，似乎看到了LARRY哥的影子。呵呵。
不过，小小乐子，小小八卦，也刚好给自己最近连续几天失眠，繁重的日子添点快乐的东西。

只是，听到黄品源的这首歌，“你怎么舍得我难过”时，刚刚接到的熟悉的电话的声音，又回荡在耳边。
最近，越来越恍惚，
看到楼下的网球场，会想到PGP当年门口的网球场，当年一起经常经过的地方。
看到任何出现的关于狮城，故事，人或者景色，都会觉得亲切。
有时候，一个陌生的地方，一个陌生的城市，就只因为一个人，而变得那么亲切。

其实，更喜欢看张一刀这个小家伙，姜文太老人了，夏雨太忧郁了，张一刀身上却有着那么一种灿烂，更熟悉。
亲亲闭上眼睛，仿佛能感到PGP那个小房间里面曾经一起的味道。
怀念CANDY姐家的BOBY，怀念VIVO里的人来人往，怀念K-BOX奋战到凌晨三点的激情，怀念狮城偶尔淋漓不断的雨水，怀念bio building后面的那条山路，怀念SWEET啥的那家奶茶，怀念那个可以看到篮球场的沙发，怀念一切的一切~
当活在当下的时候，不知道曾经的自己那么幸福。当想要的时候，却够不着。怎么够，都够不着。。。。。。。。。
看着夏雨和袁泉的婚纱照，那么美，是那么那么的美。。。
狮城的那个机场还是那个样子么？还可以感受到我曾被滞留一晚的落魄么？还可以想起我发疯似的买了一堆香水化妆品的可爱么？
还是都变了？ 

只剩下一个多礼拜了。不知道这次会带给我如何的结果。
我的sleep deprivation 越来越严重，今天居然睡到早上6点才醒。当时，一看表，高兴坏了。
虽然嘴巴上说着不论如何都不去在乎，不去计较，只要朝着自己要的梦想走着就好。可是，心里，却还是给自己树着那么高的苹果，就算知道我卯足了劲蹦起来都摘不到，却还是努力的想跳，想蹦，想够。
为什么我还是别不开那劲呢？ 是不是有时候太偏执了不是好事？是不是有时候，安于现状，好好活着，才是幸福？